Every time you stand up and say, “this is wrong”, it helps others do the same…
With each word that’s spoken, we begin healing.
In the words of Gloria Steinem, “Whenever one person stands up and says, “Wait a minute, this is wrong, it helps others do the same.”
This month, we’re raising awareness around domestic violence because together, we can make a difference. It starts with all of us listening, believing, and standing beside those in need.
We want to begin acknowledging that this subject, like many of the topics we bring to light, is painful and also essential. Unfortunately, domestic violence isn’t an issue of the past, it’s happening now, to loved ones, people in our communities, and sometimes in places we least expect.
Silence is what gives abuse its power. Breaking that silence provides hope, strength, and a better way forward.
This month, we invite you to stand beside survivors, educate yourself, and most importantly, act. Speak up and approach this topic with compassion, respect, and sensitivity.
What Is Domestic Violence?
We thought it important to begin defining domestic violence because it can come in many forms.
Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one person to exert power and control over another in an intimate or familial relationship. It is not limited to physical harm.
Abuse thrives in ambiguity, which is why clear language is of the utmost importance: domestic violence is about coercion, manipulation, and domination, not only bruises and black eyes.
Forms of Abuse Include:
- Physical abuse: hitting, slapping, shoving, choking, kicking, depriving, etc.
- Emotional/psychological abuse: gaslighting, humiliation, threats, constant criticism, degrading remarks
- Financial/economic abuse: controlling finances, withholding money, sabotaging work, restricting access to bank accounts
- Digital abuse/stalking: monitoring phone calls, social media, emails, sending threatening messages, tracking devices
- Isolation: discouraging or forbidding contact with friends, family, or outside support.
- Sexual abuse/coercion: forcing sexual acts, manipulation, or control over sexual decisions
Abuse is about power and control, not about a moment of anger or a “loss of control.” Even nonviolent actions such as constant monitoring, controlling finances, and intimidation are part of the system of control.
NH Statistics
- An estimated 33.4% of women in New Hampshire have experienced physical assault by an intimate partner. (MCVP)
- Nearly one in four women in the state has been sexually assaulted. nhcadsv.org
- NH’s domestic and sexual violence crisis centers served 11,805 victims. nhcadsv.org
- Between 2020-2021, thirteen people lost their lives to domestic violence homicides in New Hampshire. NHDVFR
Domestic violence isn’t rare or isolated and impacts all ages, races, socioeconomics, genders, orientations, and communities.
Staying silent fuels domestic abuse and violence. When we speak, listen, believe, and act, we can change the culture.
3 Ways to Actively Help Victims of Domestic Violence
1.) Recognize Warning Signs
The warning signs may be subtle and include (but are not limited to):
- Withdrawal or isolation from friends, family, and social activities
- Sudden changes in behavior, mood, or emotional well-being
- Difficulty in making decisions, continuously seeking approval
- Unexplained injuries, or frequently dismissing them as accidents
- Excessive checking in, monitoring, and control over daily life
- Drops in self-esteem, frequently apologizing or minimizing issues
- Financial dependence or inability to access money or resources
If someone you care about shows these signs or has confided in you, you can help.
2.) Open Dialogue Carefully and Gently
When in doubt, contact a professional to ensure you are equipped for this. Here are some recommendations for a careful, safe, and private conversation:
- Choose a time, place, and date away from where the abuse is occurring and there isn’t a risk of being overheard
- Use open-ended, nonjudgmental questions: “You seem more stressed,” “Are you ok?” “I’m concerned about you. Do you feel safe at home?”
- Listen more than you speak
- Affirm their feelings, “I believe you,” “You don’t deserve this,” “What you’re feeling makes sense.”
- Avoid pressuring them and shoulding them; it can feel dismissive and overwhelming.
- Encourage them (if they’re ready) to use a trusted professional, ie, therapist, doctor, counselor, advocate, or hotline. Respect that they may need time to take steps.
3.) Learn the Hand Signal
Some people use discrete gestures (see below for a well-known hand signal created by the Canadian Women’s Foundation) to indicate they need help or want to talk.
Additional steps you can take in October and beyond:
- If you’re concerned someone is experiencing domestic violence, offer to help with small tasks (driving them, watching kids, helping with a plan). Help them gather documents (IDs, social security cards, financial records) and keep them in a safe place .Be a discreet contact they can reach (text, signal, check-ins).
- Assist in researching local support services, shelters, or legal aid. Support their decisions, even if they aren’t what you would choose, unless they’re immediately dangerous.
- Keep confidentiality. Trust is fragile; sharing without permission can increase risk.
- Share resources:
No community should accept abuse as normal.
No person should live in fear. Together, through awareness, compassion, listening, and action, we can shift the culture.
We can make it safer for survivors to speak, safer for them to seek help, and safer for all of us to stand against domestic violence.
When we speak, we heal. When we act, we protect. When we listen, we believe. We’re not powerless. United, we’re stronger.
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