Creating Spaces Where Men Feel Safe Enough to Ask

Men are 50% less likely to seek medical attention than women 

In fact, one in four men will wait as long as possible before seeing a doctor when they’re in pain or feeling ill. (Commonwealth Fund). Many men also stave off routine checkups, preventative care, and mental health support.

Given men’s greater risk for mortality, greater attention is called for around men’s health and mental health: 

• Life expectancy is ~6 years less for men than for women 
• Men die from heart disease and chronic liver disease at 2x the rate of women 
• Suicide and non-violent-related deaths are 4x as likely for men

Numerous studies show that this mortality and disease gap is largely, in part, due to male attitudes and behaviors around health and mental health. 

Trauma fosters even more silence. 

Trauma doesn’t only live in our memories, it lives in our bodies, nervous systems, and automatic stress responses. For men who’ve experienced trauma, walking into a doctor’s office or therapist’s waiting room can feel like an impossible vulnerability, depending on their history. 

The cost of the silence is real:

• Delayed diagnoses 
• Increased mental health challenges
• Unaddressed symptoms
• Losing men to preventable health crises

You can’t make a man ask for help. You can’t decide when he’s ready for him, but we can work together to change what he finds when he does. 

Creating Trauma-Informed Spaces for Men to Ask for Help 

Trauma-informed care is about creating an environment where safety, choice, and dignity are built into every interaction.

For men specifically, this means understanding how traditional masculinity intersects with trauma responses. Specifically, it looks like creating physical and emotional safety, establishing clear expectations, upholding privacy and patient confidentiality, and language that explains and asks before acting (ie. “I’m going to check your blood pressure now, is that ok with you?”). 

Connection unfolds without force. 

Some men will be open to talking, others may not at first. Trauma-informed care sees and hears both as it offers opportunities for connection, check-ins, resources, and letting men know they belong, whenever they’re ready. 

The Language Shift: Talking TO Men, Not ABOUT Men

The way we talk about men’s health, and to men about their health, can either invite them in or push them further away.

Work towards invitational language that respects autonomy:

• “You deserve to feel better.”
• “Your health matters for your future and the people who care about you today.”
• “This is your choice, and we’re here when you’re ready.”

This messaging reframes help-seeking as a choice and acknowledges that it takes courage. It lets men know that the door is open whenever they’re ready to walk through it.

Recognize the Signs a Man in Your Life Might Be Struggling

Sometimes men don’t always acknowledge “I’m depressed”, “I’m anxious”, or “I’m not okay.” 

Struggling may manifest itself differently, such as: 

• Increased irritability or anger
• Withdrawing from relationships, activities they used to enjoy
• Changes in sleep: too much or too little
• Physical symptoms without clear medical cause: headaches, stomach issues, chronic pain
• Increased risk-taking or reckless behavior
• Substance use that’s changed or increased
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Comments that minimize their own well-being: “I’m fine” when they’re clearly not

What You Can Do

If you notice these signs in someone you care about, approach with curiosity, not accusation. “I’ve noticed you seem more stressed lately. I’m here if you want to talk.”

• Be the first to admit struggle. When you normalize your own challenges, you give others permission to do the same.
• Ask, “How are you doing?” with genuine interest and listen and give time to hear the answer.
• Create opportunities for connection that don’t require vulnerability. Sometimes men will open up over basketball, working on a project together, or walking side by side rather than face to face.

This November (often known as Movember for men’s health awareness), let’s commit to something bigger than awareness as a community. It’s time to commit to action. Time to commit to being active participants in creating spaces, language, and a culture that tells men their struggles DO matter and that asking for help is courageous and strong. 

Additional Resources: 

• Real Men Feel Podcast: Conversations about men’s mental health and emotional wellness with Andy Grant 
• No Man’s Land: Men, Illness, and the NHS 
• Global Action on Men’s Health: Annual Report